Park Road

So … Max really likes 2004’s “Fat...

Wed, 22 May 2013 20:02:09 -0400

So … Max really likes 2004’s “Fat Albert” with Kenan Thompson.

Picking strawberries. It went a lot smoother than last time.

Sun, 19 May 2013 19:14:33 -0400

Picking strawberries. It went a lot smoother than last time.

Bouncing around at Monkey Joe’s. The blurrier the photo,...

Sat, 18 May 2013 14:05:49 -0400

Bouncing around at Monkey Joe’s. The blurrier the photo, the more fun he’s having.

We flipped the door handle to Max’s bedroom so we could...

Thu, 16 May 2013 21:42:00 -0400

We flipped the door handle to Max’s bedroom so we could lock it and secure him in a safe spot at night.

He retaliated by shoving his hand down his throat again and spraying his room with vomit. It was everywhere: the walls, his TV, books, toys and himself. He did it because he knew we’d open the door.

1) It is very difficult to clean partially digested whole milk, pancakes and bananas (his dinner) out of carpet.

2) I don’t know who is winning this battle.

Baby door-handle locks no longer work with Max. He broke those...

Tue, 14 May 2013 22:22:00 -0400

Baby door-handle locks no longer work with Max. He broke those apart weeks ago.

For a while, at bedtime, we were able to lock the handle of his bedroom door from the inside. It’s quick and easy to pick it open with a penny when we need to get back in.

When we put him to bed, we new he was safe. And contained.

But not anymore.

Tonight, he broke out and snuck downstairs. He pooped in his diaper and wanted to let us know, which was cool of him (he’s a morning pooper, so this was an important announcement).

Then he made a game of getting his diaper changed, which wasn’t cool because he was uncooperative and really interfered with our 1.5 hours of nightly TV-watching time.

He broke out a second time because he couldn’t find a toy.

We have a video monitor. He escaped twice without us knowing until he made it to the living room.

We’ve entered a scary new stage. I haven’t felt this way since he first flopped out of his crib.

SIDENOTE: I was going to write about the fact that he destroyed our entire first floor this evening by shoving his fingers down his throat and forcing himself to throw up in 15-20 different little rancid puddles (I was outside; Clarissa was on the phone, trying to schedule a time for someone to clean our house). But this new development is worse.

Max says happy Mother’s Day. He made his mom a birdhouse. And...

Sun, 12 May 2013 22:28:09 -0400

Max says happy Mother’s Day.

He made his mom a birdhouse. And an art project at day care.

Max (pictured, eating a rock) hit his head really hard last...

Thu, 09 May 2013 18:55:00 -0400

Max (pictured, eating a rock) hit his head really hard last night. He was jumping on our bed after his bath, as is his custom, and he fell backward on our nightstand.

It looked bad. It sounded bad.

He cried, but it passed, and he went to sleep without a fuss. Still, I checked on him a few times to make sure he was OK, and he was.

Looking back, I think he may have been concussed. I think he still may be concussed.

This morning, he was sweet and cooperative. This afternoon, when I picked him up from day care, he was in the same good mood. And he received a “GREAT” instead of an “Uh-Oh” on his daily report card for the first time in weeks.

I played catch with Max for 30 minutes today. That’s a...

Wed, 08 May 2013 18:42:24 -0400

I played catch with Max for 30 minutes today. That’s a long time for him to focus on one activity.

It was awesome.

We’re back home in Charlotte. We had fun in Tennessee. The last...

Thu, 02 May 2013 21:10:39 -0400

We’re back home in Charlotte. We had fun in Tennessee.

The last 24 hours have been challenging, though. Two-year-olds aren’t built for travel.

At one point today, after we stopped for drive-through lunch and after he played with the Happy Meal toy, Max asked for fries. I gave him his fries. Then he asked for apple slices, which I also gave him.

He ate everything. We were on the road, making good time, and all was well. Max’s car seat in back is on the opposite side of the driver’s seat, so I can see him and hand him things. I glanced over my shoulder, and he was content.

And then he asked for the chicken nuggets.

He was quiet, and all of a sudden, as I was passing a truck on the outside of a sharp turn in the mountains near the North Carolina border, a half-eaten nugget hit the steering wheel. Before I could figure out what it was, a full nugget hit the back of my head.

Then two more flew at me, right on top of each other, like rapid fire. One hit the dash and landed in my lap. Another hit the windshield.

The rest of the ride, which really wasn’t the greatest up to that point anyway, went downhill from there.

We’re heading home tomorrow but stopping halfway in...

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 22:34:43 -0400

We’re heading home tomorrow but stopping halfway in Knoxville for the night because it’s a nine-hour drive from West Tennessee to Charlotte.

Most of the time he loves taking a bath, and he needs a bath right now, but he’s not getting one tonight. I have to find a way to kill an hour or so when we get to the hotel and there’s nothing for him to play with. If he feels sticky, he’ll definitely want a bath.

He gets tired of the disconnected hotel-room phone after a while, and jumping on the beds only lasts so long. And there are only so many pages in the tourist guides to tear apart and only a few plastic-wrapped styrofoam coffee cups to chew on.

We can only run up and down the hallways a handful of times before people complain, and hotels don’t get Sprout or Nick Jr.

He’s looking forward to the trip, though. Because he misses his mom and knows she’ll be waiting for him when we ge home.

Playing in the muddy April dirt in the Tennessee town where I...

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 21:51:48 -0400

Playing in the muddy April dirt in the Tennessee town where I grew up. Just like I used to do.

Max and his new friend.

Sun, 28 Apr 2013 18:55:21 -0400

Max and his new friend.

Breakfast.

Sun, 28 Apr 2013 10:03:36 -0400

Breakfast.

Sometimes, on the road next to the playground, a fire truck...

Fri, 26 Apr 2013 21:37:29 -0400

Sometimes, on the road next to the playground, a fire truck sirens by.

And everything in the world stops.

When Max reaches new levels of agility and speed, it takes us by...

Mon, 22 Apr 2013 21:55:00 -0400

When Max reaches new levels of agility and speed, it takes us by surprise. All of a sudden, he can do new things — risky things. And we’re never prepared.

Tonight, it was the medicine cabinet.

Yesterday, at the park, I caught him as he fell off an eight-foot-high opening at the top of the slide. I was able to be in the right place at the right time for a few other falls, but obviously, I wasn’t fast enough every time. (It’s tough to monitor 2-year-olds on playground equipment, by the way. There are too many ways on and off, and your kid can be on the other side of the structure long before you can run around to catch them. You just have to hope they can dangle for a few seconds.)

Saturday morning, he darted into traffic in a mall parking lot. He was running for the fountain on the other side.

Saturday afternoon, he walked up to us, choking. And then he threw up a bunch of milk along with the little plastic stopper that regulates the flow on this bottle. I think he figured out how to unscrew the top.

It’s like he’s trying to hurt himself.

And when he’s not putting himself in danger, he destroys … everything … he touches.

Max is a happy kid, and it’s great to have a happy kid. He’s fearless and tests his boundaries constantly.

I just wish I could teach him to be more careful.

I went upstairs to throw some clothes in the wash. It took three...

Mon, 22 Apr 2013 19:24:02 -0400

I went upstairs to throw some clothes in the wash. It took three minutes. It was a gamble, I know, but Max was happily watching TV.

I came back downstairs, and Max’s hands and face were covered in a strange slimy and chalky residue. He had an economy-sized bottle of Tums next to him. I have know idea how many he ate, and I still haven’t found the top.

The antacids were high up in a cabinet above our junk drawer in the kitchen. But he moved a stool over to climb on and get to them.

That cabinet had several different types of cold medicine, acetaminophen, ibuprofen, various diaper-rash creams, and lots of old bottles of prescription pills that probably expired a long time ago. I’m glad he chose the Tums.

Anyway, all our medicine bottles are on lockdown now. And I know he planned to go back for more when he was finished with the Tums.

The picture above is a snapshot of his reaction when I took all the medicine, put it in a giant Tupperware container and moved it to another room. He threw a separate fit for each bottle that went into the container. And then a really big, really helpless-sounding one as I left the room.

A 5-year-old punched Max in the face at the park today — two...

Sun, 21 Apr 2013 21:11:55 -0400

A 5-year-old punched Max in the face at the park today — two minutes after this photo was taken. It was an accident, but Max has a big bruise and rashy skin above his eye.

It looks bad.

Later at the house, he wanted to walk the dog. So he grabbed her leash, and she took off in a full sprint. Max didn’t let go right away, so he face-planted and was dragged a bit down the driveway. Now he has cuts and bruises on his nose and some other random scratches on his face.

And he still has a nasty bruise on his chin that happened some time last week when I wasn’t even around. So he looks pretty roughed up today.

He goes to day care tomorrow, which could be awkward for me. Because if the day-care people ask him, he’ll say, “he hit me” and, “I fell.”

But.

There’s a pretty good chance he’ll bang himself up throughout the day, and he’ll have more cuts and bruises. And that will make the day-care people feel awkward.

It’s just Max.

I won’t judge the day-care people if the day-care people don’t judge me.

We need a babysitter from Sept. 13 to Sept. 23. A very...

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 23:36:37 -0400

We need a babysitter from Sept. 13 to Sept. 23.

A very low-maintenance, easy-going, really cute kid could be YOURS for 10 days.

We have two weekend’s worth of New York Giants tickets. And one small problem.

Max’s bacon-and-eggs shirt. It’s always a hit at the...

Wed, 17 Apr 2013 11:12:04 -0400

Max’s bacon-and-eggs shirt. It’s always a hit at the park.

I couldn’t convince Max to get out of the bathtub, even after I...

Tue, 16 Apr 2013 21:08:26 -0400

I couldn’t convince Max to get out of the bathtub, even after I drained the water.

So I told him he could wear my shorts as pajamas, which killed two birds with one stone. He left the tub, and he let me put pajamas on him.

Well, three birds, because the shorts look funny. And I like funny things.